Victoria and Sam

image

What happened on the date

image

Always tricky going on a first date with someone who doesn’t drink. The best way to handle it is almost certainly not drink a bottle of champagne. If you read between the lines, though, it sounds like Sam needed it. 

Poor Sam must have been so legless, he can’t remember what Victoria’s table manners were like, so he went for the traditional “impeccable”. Except he probably slurred it so it sounded more like “perble”.

Paul and Isabel

image

What happened on the date

image

This was almost a disaster – a double-impeccable. Thankfully, Paul (who is 43!!!) saves the day by letting us know Isabel (who is 41!!!) threw him a few burns. Look, they got on great and either use amazing moisturiser or have the best lighting wherever they go so let’s wish them well and overlook Isabel’s mega-disappointing “impeccable”.

Photograph: Sarah Lee; James Drew Turner, both for the Guardian

Levi and Grace

image

What happened on the date

Shockingly, the “table manners” question was NOT asked. It’s a cover-up! Imagine how bad the answer must’ve been for them to leave it out. Or the journo forgot. The date was really boring, anyway. It would’ve probably been a double-impeccable.

Photograph: Sarah Lee; James Drew Turner, both for the Guardian

James and Kirsty

What happened on the date

It would perhaps be unfair to paint Kirsty as joyless – although she does a pretty good job of that herself. Her staccato responses to all the journo’s questions and a REFUSAL to even answer the all-important question – not even a cop-out “impeccable” – suggest there is something we haven’t been told. 

I include James’s account of Kirsty sneaking through the ticket barrier because it explains a lot. Although I’m not sure what.

Photograph: Sophia Evans and Frantzesco Kangaris for the Guardian

Tom and Isabel

What happened on the date

image

Even before you get to the end, you can tell these two got on. How? Because they made an agreement on the key table manners question, that’s how. They obviously both demolished chicken wings with all the grace of a pair of starved dogs, but realised they were going to be in a national newspaper and so agreed to save face.

And yet SOMEHOW, an impeccable snuck in there. Oh, Tom.

I added in the awkward moments question as I feel the response adds context and explains why poor Tom blurted out an impeccable.

Jane and Crudgie

What happened on the date

I’d love to know on what order the questions are asked. I like to think the table manners query comes toward the end of the interview, once all the bile has been expelled. It’s the only reason I can find for such incredible politeness over a date which, when you read the whole thing, sounds as much fun as having your balls waxed.

Photograph: James Turner; Frantzesco Kangaris, both for the Guardian

A weekly roast of the splendid, stupid or sexless things said by participants in the Guardian Blind Date column.

%d bloggers like this: