James and Kirsty

What happened on the date

It would perhaps be unfair to paint Kirsty as joyless – although she does a pretty good job of that herself. Her staccato responses to all the journo’s questions and a REFUSAL to even answer the all-important question – not even a cop-out “impeccable” – suggest there is something we haven’t been told. 

I include James’s account of Kirsty sneaking through the ticket barrier because it explains a lot. Although I’m not sure what.

Photograph: Sophia Evans and Frantzesco Kangaris for the Guardian

Tom and Isabel

What happened on the date

image

Even before you get to the end, you can tell these two got on. How? Because they made an agreement on the key table manners question, that’s how. They obviously both demolished chicken wings with all the grace of a pair of starved dogs, but realised they were going to be in a national newspaper and so agreed to save face.

And yet SOMEHOW, an impeccable snuck in there. Oh, Tom.

I added in the awkward moments question as I feel the response adds context and explains why poor Tom blurted out an impeccable.

Jane and Crudgie

What happened on the date

I’d love to know on what order the questions are asked. I like to think the table manners query comes toward the end of the interview, once all the bile has been expelled. It’s the only reason I can find for such incredible politeness over a date which, when you read the whole thing, sounds as much fun as having your balls waxed.

Photograph: James Turner; Frantzesco Kangaris, both for the Guardian

Lauren and Sam

image

What happened on the date

image

This date actually went well. Notice ‘top bantz’ from Sam about his date not downing a shot. Lauren’s answer to ‘what we talked about’ is quite telling: 

“Our jobs, five-year plans (I have one, he does not), anti-feminism, the fact that I want to learn taxidermy.”

The “I have one, he does not” is such a burn that Sam is no doubt picking up the ashes of his own head as we speak. And yet they wanted to meet again.

Photograph: James Drew Turner for the Guardian

Laurie and Sophie

image

What happened on the date

image

I had to put the “awkward moments” in because the “table manners” responses were practically a double-impeccable.

I can’t even imagine why the waiter thought it was appropriate to butt into the date, but it doesn’t seem to have put them off. I do hope they didn’t tip.

Sophie signs off with a “Sure, why not?” – sexy! – while Laurie is more cool, insisting it’ll be nothing more than a “friendly drink”. 

A weekly roast of the splendid, stupid or sexless things said by participants in the Guardian Blind Date column.

%d bloggers like this: